Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Our family's growth update and the jealousy monster

So it's been quite an eventful end of winter and beginning of Spring around here.  We've gotten to see a lot of our family, spend time with my grandmas (J's great grandmas), visit the zoo, ice skate, finish Financial Peace University, change the timeline of when we may buy a house and attend an info meeting that I shared about a few weeks ago.

As you likely already know, we have always wanted children, which is obvious I suppose, but I also specifically mean that as the plural.  We'd love little J to get the chance and challenge (ha!) of growing up with a sibling(s).  Big J and I prayed, talked  and looked into ways to make that happen.  I was SO excited to announce the direction we were going to go and perhaps got a bit ahead of myself in announcing it.

My sweet and supportive (so thankful for him) husband reassured me that I didn't overshare, and that sometimes things just don't turn out the way we planned and that's ok.  So, here I am. . .kind of backpedaling or so it seems.  We had a great meeting, and actually had a great experience with our first babysitter (who wasn't part of our family).  We met some great people, even someone we already knew, at the meeting and left with two definite things.  Before the meeting I was praying that this meeting would be something that God would help give us clarity and that He did.

1.  We both definitely want to pursue foster care and adoption through foster care.  There are no ifs now, but rather when.

2.  Now is not the right time for us to enter foster care/Foster adopt.

I could get into all the reasons as to why it isn't going to work for us now, but I don't think that actually matters.  If you are interested send me a PM, email or talk to me in person.  We both still have such a heart for kids and specifically hurting kids without families or who can't be with their families right now, and while it's sad that it isn't going to work out for the near future I'm excited to see how God uses this and also for the other peeps in our class that do move forward with it now.

Don't get me wrong, we are thrilled that we had the opportunity to have been chosen to raise our sweet boy.  We are parents (!!!!), and it's been the most amazing, and at times challenging, thing we've ever done!  So I don't mean to sound ungrateful (if it came across that way) in anyway!  We'd still love to J to get to be a brother though. I don't know about you but things like this have the tendency to let jealousy creep into my thoughts.  Sometimes I even end of thinking these things and repeating them.  Destructive things like "If we were normal we could just have more babies whenever we wanted." or "Too bad I'm not a fertile myrtle." or "If we hadn't lost that baby, little J wouldn't be the only child."  Or I think of the friend's cousin who found out she was pregnant only when her bloodwork before surgery came back oddly.  She was 36 weeks along and had about 3 weeks to prepare for their first babe.  Then there is the childhood friend who is pregnant (!!!) after their 4th round of IVF and 3 failed rounds.  Then there is my other childhood friend who I just found out had two miscarriages between her first and second children (she has three kids now).  But there is no point in thinking those negative thoughts, or looking at other people or their families for the answer.  There is always going to be someone who had it easier (or so it appears) and someone who has had it harder.

Let's stop comparing.  Each person is different.  Each family is different.  We don't know what hurdles they had to jump over or mountains they climbed to get to where they are now.  We can trust that God working together ALL THINGS for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose though.  (Romans 8:28)  So, in all things I will trust God and His plans.   Even when I don't understand.  

So, as for adding another "J" or other letter to the family....we still 'plan to'...just possibly in a much longer, more round about way.  But then again, we never know....

Pray with us about:

-For all the children in the foster system currently.
-For the birth/bio families of these kids.
-For all the families fostering and those pursuing fostering.
-For those who are thinking about fostering, there is definitely a need, especially for older kids (10+).
-For the kids aging out of foster care, that they will have support to get into the world even if they don't have a permanent family.
-For our hearts and our little family.  We were so excited to pursue this now, and are saddened that it's not the right timing.

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