Friday, November 4, 2016

I wonder, who you'd be today?

It's been more than a year since you were here.

More than a year since you were growing in my belly.

More than a year since you were known and loved.

More than a year since we hoped for you.

More than a year since we heard you giggle.

More than a year since we talked to you.

More than a year since we tucked you into bed.

More than a year since you cuddled with us.

More than a year since we smelled your hair while my fingers ran through it.

More than a year since we named you and took you home.

More than a year since we started grieving you.

More than a year since we left the hospital, this time without you.

More than a year since we planned a funeral and purchased a tiny casket, that until that day, we wondered why they bothered making them that small.

More than a year since we said I love you to your face.

More than a year since the worst day of our lives happened.

And although each day is slowly getting better they will never be the same without you here.

The truth is?  You changed us.  You challenged us.  Your passing broke us, or me at least.  We aren't the same people we were a year ago, or two years ago.  We aren't the same people as we were before we knew you.  We aren't the same people at all.  We're older, more rugged, less phased by the world we live in.  Some say we're jaded.  But I like to think we're more realistic.  We were so blessed to be your parents, if even for a short time.  You lit up our little world.  We are so thankful to have known you and to have been entrusted to you, even if though was too short.  I do wonder, who you'd be today?

You went home too soon. And we don't yet know the reason why, and we also may never know.  So we can either keep our heads in the sand so that we are protected from whatever else gets thrown at us, or we can fight.  We can fight for those we love.  We can love fiercely.  We can take the lemons that life may give us, and make some phenomenal lemonade.

We can show each person we come into contact with kindness because we don't know what battle they may be fighting.  We can be generous with our money and our gifts to help others.  We can choose to be a light for others, in this dark and twisted place.  We can choose to believe the best about people and not jump to conclusions.  We can be more patient with others.  We can rock our babies to sleep for an extra 15 minutes because we never know when it might be the last time.  We can choose love.  We can love because He first Loved us. Because God demonstrated His own love for us, while we were still sinners Christ died for us. (1 John 4:19 & Romans 5:8)

This is for all those who lost a child long before their time.  Whether they were 3 or 30, 16 weeks or 16 minutes, 45 or in the first trimester.  They counted.  They mattered.  They were known.  By you, by our Creator and maybe a whole community on this earth.  Including(by not limited to):  pregnancy loss, infant loss, infertility,  or when they were older.  This is for you still left on this earth.  Whether we were the only ones who knew about them or everyone in town knew.  This is to help remember them.


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