The interesting thing is that this news is in no way good news. In fact, it’s pretty much the most terrible news anyone could get short of hearing about the death of a loved one. (I will get to it in the 4th to the last paragraphs if you'd rather jump there before reading the rest, otherwise sit back and enjoy my heart out on my sleeve.)
But at the same time, I am reminded of God’s timing, His will for my life and that while I sometimes have the illusion of control, He is the one who is in complete control. Not me. And that is a good thing.
If we had gotten this news 10 months, 2 years or 7 years ago it would have been even more devastating that is was this morning. In fact, I’m willing to bet it would have been too much for either one of us to handle and that is why God didn’t let us find out until now.
We recently were studying Romans 8 at Church and one of the sermons had this line that I can’t seem to get out of my head lately (partly because it is posted in one of our bathrooms so I see it every time I wash my hands in there) that says “God never wastes a hurt.” Now, I think the Pastor who said it gave someone else credit for it, and I don’t have that in our notes. But regardless of who originally said it. It is so true.
God never wastes a hurt. Just think about the weight of that statement.
God: the one Supreme Being, the Creator and Ruler of the universe
Never: not at all; absolutely not
Waste: to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return; use to no avail or profit; squander, to fail or neglect to use
Hurt: injury, damage or harm
So that means that the Creator of the Universe absolutely cannot neglect to use our damage or pain.
You won’t hear me say that we won’t still have hurts in our lives. We still will experience damage, pain or sometimes harm. But in the end, He will use it.. God is never going to waste something that we go through. Granted there isn’t a guarantee that we will even see how He uses it. But rest assured, He will never waste a hurt.
You know, when we announced that we were pursuing adoption in this post, we were thrilled to start the process. We had always planned on adopting, and now more than ever am I glad we pursued that avenue first! Our sweet little ray of sunshine is currently napping upstairs. He is forever not a second choice or alternative. He was our first choice. Our son. He was chosen. He was adopted into our family, just like the reminder he serves that we were adopted into God’s family. But in contrast, our adoption into God’s family had nothing to do with us, but everything to do with God sending His Son to pay the price of our debt. He was the ultimate sacrifice and because of Him we can be reunited in our relationship with God.
If it weren’t for that little ray of sun upstairs and the reminder that he helps serve, I’m not sure I could even be writing this right now. Today, after trying to conceive for three (plus) years, we have been diagnosed with infertility. We don’t know specifics yet, and I’m not sure we even want to. Tests and samples were taken, specialists have been referred but we are still seeking prayer about how to proceed. There are more questions than answers now, and while I’m glad I went ahead and went to the Dr. today after some unusual circumstances….I’m grieving. And thankful. And very ripe with emotions.
It makes me all the more thankful for the opportunity of adoptions whether domestic or international. It makes me even more sick at the thought of abortions, because every little life is a blessing--no matter how they were conceived or how inconvenient one might think that pregnancy is. But most of all, it makes me pray for all the babies around the world, whether in utero or just born, or a few weeks or months old. It makes me want to pray for mothers, those with children in heaven, those with children on earth and those who have not yet become mothers for whatever reason. It makes me want to pray for our nation, our world, our family.
It’s been a rough last few weeks and I thought I would get some of it out on here. I don’t want anyone’s pity. We don’t need that. We will gladly take prayers and words of wisdom though. We love you all, near and far! I know this is painful to go through, but God has a plan and He is simply not capable of wasting this hurt. So in Him we will seek refuge and healing.
1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
Pslam 46 KJV
Special thanks to some of my close friends from Durham who have been praying with me this week and also my sweet hubby and Mom for their support and prayers.